Monday, November 03, 2008

To New Beginnings

I haven't posted in a while I know, but there is a very good reason behind this. You see last week a lot happened which I was busy burying in my little closet and which I didn't want to blog about. Non-mathematical stuff obviously, but I knew that if I was to post anything then I would write "there's something that I don't want to write about" and then end up writing that "something"!

Indeed I have wondered, had my non-mathematical life been less chaotic would I have done a better job at mastering my mathematical life?! As it stands, both aspects of my life look quite messed up to me! Since the end of my first year at University, things went slightly pear shaped. They weren't pear shaped all the time, but there were times when I was like a lost sheep looking for guidance. I got misguided along the way, but eventually I got myself to today.

Today. Today. Today.

I wish I could say that from today my non-mathematical life will no longer be as pear-shaped as it is, but sadly I can't. Reassure myself I do, and constantly trying to think positive I am, but it is senseless to predict the pattern of such things. Instead I hope that I am able to cope with change. That I am able to keep the promises that I once made. And most importantly I hope that my mathematical life will have some stability! (Well not initially of course, but in the long run...).

Yes - I talk a lot of rubbish (again), but this post is for me. It is to tell me that I'm no longer me any more, but I am me. I just have to make sure that this doesn't change.

Time has started to move unbelievably fast and I know how apprehension can leave me for contentment. That is the main thing I hope that will follow from today. I have hope - does that make me optimistic? I think that hope gives us consolation that anything is possible - especially our dreams - which is enough for me at this moment.

Do we ever expect ourselves to be standing at the place where we are standing? Did I ever expect myself to be in this situation in life? Yes, I think I did, but we imagine ourselves very differently in them situations you see. For example, I imagine myself to hopefully one day graduate, but one can't ever imagine that day in itself (if you follow me!).

An part of me is actually quite excited. Namely because the challenges that lie ahead and the possibilities that face me in life. Also not knowing about tomorrow excites me. By tomorrow I mean my life after today.

Enough of that non-mathematical life of mine. Sadly one does exist (!) but hopefully the testy waters ahead will prove to be a tonic for me. My mathematical life is sadly quite dull at the moment, for due to my worries I have honestly let it go completely for a week. I was in a chemical reaction last week, where the reactants were yet to be used up. Today that reaction is complete and the previous worry has all been used up. I like how that sounds!

The Galois Group proved to the best tonic last week as it did last year, for busying myself with it allows me to forget a lot of things. The posters you will find are not stuck up as one had envisaged. Perhaps I shouldn't have boldly stated that I will show the department how things are done! (Egg on my face time....). On Thursday I had sent the necessary email to get the printing done, and after the Measure Theory lecture (and after "cheekily" grabbing tea from the open day stall) I had gone to see if the printing had been done. I was informed by Dr. C that he had no posters for me, upon which I actually didn't get "mad" for a change! (Hey - I'm calming down now... it is my third year after all!)

Come Friday though, before my first lecture of the day, I found to my dismay that the posters still hadn't been printed - this time by Dr. P himself. I pleaded with him to have them done by today, as I would stick them up after my imminent lecture but he informed me that I could now print them myself in the Brian Hartley room. I didn't know how to take this news, but I carried on pleading with him to print this batch for me as time was an issue here. Getting affirmation (I suppose) I legged it to my lecture but not before telling Dr. C that he will be getting some posters soon. After my lecture I had made sure to eat my lunch, which was a lucky thing indeed as when I had gone to see Dr. C, no posters had greeted me.

Now this is when my calm nearly went out of the window: "People are busy you know." I was told, "Well I'm busy as well, and I sent the email on Thursday". "But we do have a lot of other things to do." "So do I, but that doesn't mean that you ensure that I always have more to do!" Ah-- doesn't it feel great to sometimes put your "three year old head" on and have a tantrum. Dr. C was not amused though and told me to ask Dr. P but he obviously was not to be found! (This is a ploy I tell you...).

Huffing and puffing I left a bemused Dr. C to his work and trudged to the Brain Hartley (BH) room. I crossed the atrium bridge too and this time I didn't care the slightest! Installing the printers on your user account is a messy process and it took me quite a while to figure out how to do it. (The system on the computers in the BH room is different to the ones in the cluster, although not too different). I managed to print a grand total of two posters before my next lecture, but it was a start I suppose!

At the end of the day I managed to print about 13 posters in total. How you ask? Well I think the stupid printer is configured to only let me print one copy of the document at a time! Next time I'm going to see if PG is around instead... . Humbug! I should be going into University on Wednesday to print and stick the remaining posters, which leads us to the next problem. The mailing lists are down at the moment so I can't send annoying emails to students reminding them about the lecture next Wednesday!

Last year I didn't face these problems as the first lecture happened to be in week 8 (7?) after reading week, and not before. The mailing lists are always scheduled to go down so they can be updated. I have managed to get an email to first and second years (TLO!) but they can't send it to third years.

Didn't I tell you that TGG is quite good for making you forget a lot of things! One wonders how one remembers to breathe at times... \lame (don't kill me!)

Okay - that's enough from me. I'm tired now but I will have to say that not having the Internet available at all times is quite the nuisance (if not quite cool). I better get used to it I suppose, which means posts in word pad posted whenever possible!

PS: On Saturday I went for a long local walk and decided to take Po with me. What possessed me to do this I don't know, but Po's company made up for his ability to walk! It was a good day but I'm going to try and "not" take Po next time (and from this Saturday I don't think that's going to be too hard a thing to do!) Po doesn't walk "consistently" and I hated how Po deliberately walked backwards to annoy me. The weekend has been non-mathematical and mightily busy. The next few days are going to follow suit and I worry about getting the chance to do any proper maths.

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