Sunday, November 23, 2008

Changes

A few weeks ago I mentioned how a massive change was going to occur in my life. This change was inevitably going to unbalance me, as I tried to readjust myself and make accommodations. The change was a positive change and I am not "unhappy" by it. Alas though, this good change has perhaps inversely affected my mathematics.

Yes - I study Mathematics at University, but I don't really study it. I go to lectures, copy the notes and then do nothing. When it came to doing the coursework during reading week, I just did the questions which I could and didn't really make an effort to attempt those that were more challenging. That's not a very good thing (obviously) for the one reason as to why I enjoy studying mathematics, is that I enjoy grinding out the difficult questions (unsuccessfully on most occasions).

Worryingly for me, I have six heavy and hard modules this semester, and each in it's own special way is stabbing me all over. I can't think positively about any one module, namely because I haven't been working at them. Topology is my worst though, and then I can't decide between Applied Complex and group theory. The weird thing is that the content of these modules fascinates me. It's at this level that you see how things in mathematics are connected , but it's also at this level where the difficulty suddenly rises!

The third year is bloody hard in my opinion, but of course I would have been singing to a different tune, had the Galois Group (TGG) not existed! I'm torn now, between two things - my "love" for studying Maths, and for continuing to work hard for TGG. I have decided that it is impossible for me to ensure that my I am successful with my maths and TGG. Just impossible. I am a very poorly organised person, but even so, one thing has to always give way; which seems to be my mathematics since I started everything.

Having seen the depth of mathematics in my third year, I am convinced that a fourth year is for me. However the "changes" I spoke of above, may now influence my decision. It is my decision to make but I have to think whether it is the "best" decision to make at this moment in my life. Dr. E certainly wants me to do four years, as do a few other people, but the other question mark is the money. I now have £120 to last me until my next loan installment comes through (which is January some time!). I thankfully don't have to worry about non-trivial costs like rent etc. but I hope that people who owe me money pay some back by the end of term! I am going to borrow £100 of Po as I need it for my driving, but Po and myself have an understanding. (Yes - I'm still "learning to drive". When Prof. S finds out I'm a dead duck... :D).

When I said money I actually meant my student loan. I hate the amount the interest on my loan adds up to, and so does Pops! (Annual statement came through the post some time ago...). I am thinking that I will have to work double-time next summer, and also ask my dad to pay my tuition fees for me (INTEREST FREE!!) which I will pay him back as soon as possible. Alas, if only I had some rich relative who liked only me from my whole family, (or liked Mathematics!) so they would fund my education/{wasting my life - according to some}. I understand that the loan will be paid back as I work full time (in the future), but I hate such horrible numbers hanging over my head like a prison sentence.

Onto more less pleasant things... Well actually the only depressing things at the moment are how critically I have fallen behind in my studies, and my bank balance! Everything else is quite okay...

The Galois Group's previous two lectures went very well, and the next one is on Wednesday 3rd December by Dr. E (more details to follow). I wished for a twin during lunch the other day - or a "clone" as I was corrected by a Tweenie. One of me would study and sit the exams whilst the other would work on TGG full-time. However, both of these copies of "me" would have a shared conscience (???), so both would understand the maths and what's happening with TGG. Sounds like a great plan right? Well I'm enjoying the wonders of such an impossibility in my head if any one's asking, so I know that it's great! (I'm obviously not mentioning the problems of such a wonder... ).

Anyway - I have to run now as I am tutoring for two hours. One hour GCSE Maths and the other hour C3. Why do I tutor when I cannot afford the time to do so, i.e. the time which should be spent on my own studies? Well honestly speaking, this weekend I was going to cancel the lessons but then I realised that I need the money for my driving lesson next week so I had to lethargically plan the lessons... Pft.

I'm alive though, if anyone was concerned. Sadly the "changes" have meant less Internet access for me, and I must confess that I am particularly pleased at how easily I have slipped away from my laptop. (No blogging has also meant no maths if you follow me!) This week has flown and so has the weekend. Next week is the Postgraduate open day at the Maths department, and I do have a funny story to tell you about that one day.... I might attend it though, to keep a few people happy!

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