Thursday, June 26, 2008

Woken by a fellow mathematician

A non-mathematician friend of mine graduates tomorrow, from a different university to myself. My friend wanted me to attend the graduation ceremony (with my camera of course!) and was going to inform me if she managed to get a ticket for me. It would be cool to attend such a thing because my friend has achieved something phenomenal (considering her circumstances).

Anyway, as I once again crashed out on the floor after returning from school, I put my phone on silent nearby because she said that she would ring if she got the ticket. If that happened then I would have to try and cheekily arrange it with the school, to see if I could leave after lunch. (I would complete the half day sometime next week).

At 8:53pm (I think) the loud buzz of my phone, rudely woke me from my deep slumber. Snatching for my phone, I wondered why a mathematician was ringing me. I mean, isn't it the case that we have this telepathic connection which informs us when another mathmo has left "planet earth"? Answering the phone I was asked:

"Were you sleeping? Aren't you watching the football?" (As soon as I wake up, I can never sound like I've been awake for hours!)

My friend was having a bad day I suppose, but the hurtful question of whether I had planned for my lesson was also thrown at me (after I enquired about the score). I hadn't planned it but was intending on waking up erm... now (!) to do it. Anyway, a favour was asked which I remember only half of. Shall I now rudely wake my fellow mathematician? *cue evil laugh*

I don't know if I'm going to the graduation ceremony tomorrow, but it was another phone call which woke me up again. I'm going to plan my lesson soon and do the favour, and then design the resource sheets and then sleep again. A mouthful I know, but I can't sleep peacefully, and it was only because I was shattered that I slept during the evening.

Results might be out tomorrow, and I mention this because that word has made me ill. I have a revelation to make as well. I will be doing a fourth year as decided by my heart, however now we have to make this happen. I am not ready for teaching at this moment in time, and if I was to do it I would not have the right motivation. I say this because during this placement, I haven't felt that consistent level of enthusiasm as I should have.

There were no maths lessons for me today which is why my day was probably horrible. My shoulders were slumped, and the nice history teacher wondered if I was OK! I had thought that tomorrow was a Friday, and had been upset to hear otherwise. My brain doesn't want Thursday to happen.

I did help the maths teachers, but after some of them went to a course I went to the staff room and tried to do some work (unsuccessfully might I add). BT was OK today, and I mentioned to her that I would never shout at her, for fear of my head been bitten off! (Which I don't think she liked very much, but this other teacher seemed to agree with me too!)

The PGCE student whose leaving is bringing cake tomorrow. Is this foreshadowing of some sort? Perhaps I should let Steinbeck be a master of that, and stick to the maths myself?

It's weird but being stressed makes life difficult because you can't cope with certain things that you normally can. I recall nearly throwing in the towel for TGG when I was horribly freaking out after Easter, and strangely a similar sensation is coursing through my body now. I don't want to deliver tomorrows lesson and I don't want to do the resources. However if I don't then I won't get good feedback!

From the few positives of today, one is that a certain student said that if I don't support their maths lesson tomorrow, he won't do any work! Some students have actually become more nicer to me since the start, whilst certain year 9s remain evil...

Since I'm faffing about now, I might as well make some tea and get to work. Regardless of whether I get results tomorrow, I don't see myself being happy. :(

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