Sunday, June 08, 2008

Nerves and stress

It is unbelievable, but I am really stressed out at the moment. After my exams finished on Wednesday, I have had no time to relax. None whatsoever.

On Thursday I was obviously back at home and happy. Friday was a day out to see the body display at the museum (which I will report on soon) amongst other things. On Saturday I had my driving lesson, followed by a "reunion and celebration" at a friends place. And today, Sunday, has been a nightmare.

Tomorrow is obviously a Monday and it means the start of my three week placement at a secondary school. Most people seem delighted that I am doing this placement--especially my mum (I think if I was to join the army, she would be delighted)! Today was the first time in years that I had to actually iron clothes (well that's a lie, but normally I don't take hours using the damn thing). SMART. That's what I have to be. For Pete's sake, I'm a student. I don't ever want to stop being one too. My biggest fear is working, which I realised today. Being a student is liberating in many senses.

I am stressed beyond belief. I want another week you see, to meet all these other deadlines that I keep on extending! (Anna and Mick are going to be very angry with me.) If I had another week of freedom, I could tie all the loose ends that I have; complete the article; actually read the handbooks I have for this placement and better prepare myself for this torture. Well I do exaggerate on that instance, but I can't ever be smart. I defy all definitions of that word and push the word to its limit. There is a reason why I tend not to be invited to weddings (woohoo), and those which I am forced to attend, well one one occasion the forceful offer of buying my clothes (by the to be new couple) was hastily declined by myself! (I'm not really that bad, but I have my own comfortable code which some people can't understand. I don't wear a watch, which some people find offensive too... Little do they know that no matter how hard they try and how many watches they give me, they are fighting a losing battle!)

Let me just day dream about the wonders of being a student... gaahh... the word associate seems to attach itself to student whenever I close my eyes! Sigh. It is not just the "smart" bit which is off putting, but I was itching to get into Galois Group business and now I can't. I also have a job I think, after my three week placement, which STINKS. I hate the idea of working. I am having a big rant and sulk now, because I feel constrained. My agenda for the holidays has all gone haywire. It feels like I'm not going to be able to do what I want.

I know that once I get into this placement, things will be OK, but being there for 8am is murderous. Come on Beans--behave. "beans behave" "BB" "B^2". OK, I'll stop being an annoying git now.

The placement requires me to fill in all sorts of mumbo jumbo forms, and make a journal too. Since I have this blog, that is one less job for me! Oh dear oh dear--I've just remembered that I need to cancel my dentist appointment. Perhaps I am not meant to have a nice summer this year (although the weather was absolutely great today). I will now go to sleep, muttering into my pillow of course, looking for ways to motivate myself for tomorrow.

A quote from The Da Vinci Code (I think) is floating in my head, and for a very good reason too:

"So deep is the con of man. "

Or something similar. How exactly does one "pull a sickie"? (To be ones own boss must be fascinating too).

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