Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Three down...

... and three to go. And no--I don't see any bright side just yet.

Yesterday (scroll down) I went to sleep at 3pm(ish) and woke up at 8:30pm (not particularly happy to be awake, might I add). Breakfast consisted of pizza and a dull head ache too.

The head ache ended up staying for quite some time, and 10:20pm found me unable to revise (as had been my intentions). I hadn’t even opened my folder and looked at section 3 yet. Struggling, I found myself asleep again, intending to wake up at midnight to finish my revision.

At 1pm I was downstairs and faffing about of course. Yesterday’s numbness was still keeping me stable, however I wanted to panic. Damn it—I hadn’t completed my revision yet, and had all the problem sheets to do as well. The panic, I realise, is what actually motivates me to get myself in gear. No panicking feels really strange. Honestly speaking I haven’t panicked all day today. Well perhaps slightly in the exam, when I was clueless as to what to do, but apart from that not one bit. It feels wrong—not panicking does.

The exam is over now but still no panic. My post mortem with fellow students hasn’t left me with much joy. My post mortem with the lecturer confirms the joys I missed out on. I would like to say something sensible for a change. Although you might like jotting things on the question paper, DON’T do it. Please I beg you. I wrote the answer out on the question paper it seems, but I had just jotted down a few ideas and not taken them further. Fizz told me off and I am surprised that I’m not supporting another bruised arm! I feel like a twit though. I had subtracted (minused?) the two 1-forms and factorised them nicely too. Why couldn’t I have just copied that information out on the answer booklet! Damn my bad luck.

(My final answer turned out to be ridiculous because I deliberately contradicted the fact that I had stated. If you have an exact form, the integral over a curve for this is found by evaluating the function at the end points. However, having written “the forms are not exact” I used the above method! He’s probably going to think I’m some crack pot who needs sleep. (Which isn’t far from the truth is it?))

I was sick again this morning, and I am becoming annoyed at being ill now. Honestly, just because I’m ill doesn’t mean that I am incapable of doing various things. Admittedly I function much slower than I normally would, but all everyone seems to be saying is “get some rest”, “get some sleep”, “who told you to study maths” and “stop revising, it doesn’t matter if you don’t finish the topic”. I can’t stop revising and it does matter if I don’t finish the topic—how on earth do you expect me to pass then? I don’t want people telling me that everything I am doing is wrong and I should be doing something else. Although, I have got myself into this big mess, all I should be doing now is revision!

On the other hand, some people do keep on reminding me to revise, to who I sheepishly mutter “yes, yes I am trying to”. Sigh. Some people are getting annoyed with me because I don’t seem to be revising but thinking about other things; and some people are getting annoyed because I’m trying to revise.

You can’t please em’ all, but I’d prefer people being angry because I’m not revising. Then I should hopefully feel guilty and get some proper revision done.

I must admit that I was day dreaming about my final exam during today’s exam. I also can’t seem to finish any exam on time and the reason this is rather embarrassing. I can’t get out of the annoying/good habit of writing nearly everything down! I didn’t manage to finish today’s paper too, so that’s three in three which I have left incomplete.

I should do something today, but all I want to do is sleep. Am I allowed to sleep during the day today? The thought of algebra is making me sicker than I already am.

This post has taken me too long to write, but the adrenaline rush that I normally get due to lack of sleep, has run its course, although the feeling of wanting to do something extreme is still there. I feel like a soldier—coming home after six hard months away. (By the way, I was “just on time” again today.) Gosh—another three exams left. Humbug.

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