Friday, May 02, 2008

The rise of the Phoenix

I failed an exam today. Well that's what it felt like for a while and it is not a nice feeling. Especially when you feel that you have done enough revision to pass.

However, that aside I think I have recovered! Passing the exam wouldn't have changed the current situation, which is what is most important.

Today was a weird and great day. I had gone to sleep at 1:30am due to the logic coursework, and then woke up at the wrong time so I was late for my 9am lecture (hence I didn't attend). With no fuel in my system, it was going to be a difficult day. It all went downhill for a while as I got some tea and headed for my third lecture. My brain was completely disjoint from my body. (I hadn't finished the coursework yet by the way).

The Geometry lecture at 12pm also went whoosh over my head today. I feel that even if I had been connected, it would still have been a miss. Anyway 1pm brought about a small recovery in me, and although the disjointness still remained, I was me again (hence able to annoy Dr. Coleman as per usual about TGG. Although I should have checked my emails first before doing so!) We have sort of fallen behind on schedule and I am becoming really worried about the attendance of next weeks lecture. NONE of the Tweenies are now going to be attending. I don't mind doing the refreshments on my lonesome, but is it just going to be Dr. Coleman, Professor Lionheart (the speaker) and myself finishing them? (Hopefully PS will be there though and a few other very very nice(!) people.... hehe).

Sigh. I have just sent out two emails (amongst many) which isn't what I normally do. What can I say--I feel guilty at the way things having been going for this final lecture. It would be very disappointing if we ended on the low note which seems inevitable. Aren't I being the little ray of sunshine? Well today was the first and last time I will ever do such a thing, but it actually depends on the occasion at hand. There's nothing wrong in being "optimistic" but you should always be realistically optimistic, which I wasn't today. (Hence why I initially did feel down, but that was my own fault). Looking at it from another angle, I think whatever happened actually was for the best. These days I have once again lost sight of certain things and gained other sights. I'm not looking forward to seeing Bella tomorrow and the "I told you face."

In spite of the outcome I had a fantastic time; and you won't be surprised to hear about a possibly broken finger, rude gestures and mathematicians enjoying themselves... (I have photographic evidence in case you're interested!) I was "unofficially" given the "annoying person award" which I think is quite fitting, especially since I even managed to annoy myself the other day. (It's just that I enjoy "annoying" certain people more than others... not naming names of course.) Ha, I'm afraid that's all you are going to get out of me today. Although I do hope that the finger wasn't badly damaged, for I feel partly responsible for it!

It surprising how much you can drink (water, tea etc), when you can't eat for various reasons. Tomorrow I should officially start my revision for all my coursework are now over--wish me luck.


Steph said...

Good Luck.

Beans said...

Hi Steph,

Thanks a lot! (The revision has yet to start though...)

Good luck to you too. :)

Steph said...

I just feel very unmotivated at the moment. I just handed in my dissertation and I am yet to put the "revision hat" on. Instead it gathers cobwebs on the hatstand... somewhere back in yester year...

Beans said...

Same here--I am desperate for the smallest of bursts of motivation!

Well done on handing the dissertation in though. I know someone who was really stressed because they were still to finish it. If you find your hat, could you have a glance around for mine? :p

What topic was your dissertation on? Is there an oral examination of it? Sorry to bug you with a million questions, but was your project two semester long or one semester? Would you recommend others to do something similar?

(I'm thinking about next year module choices you see. More stress!)

Steph said...

I am just finishing my fourth (and final) year as an undergraduate and the dissertation was a 2 (of 6) module thing. We had all (academic) year to do it and there was a presentation/question session on it (also a poster). My project was on "Variations of mixed Hodge Structures related to (multiple) polylogarithms", and it was a fantastic topic. It was quite a lot of work as the topic subject was very abstract, but I absolutely love that kind of thing. It was also preferable to me too as there was a lot of scope for doing new things- and I always prefer to do maths than to read maths. Although obviously reading maths is also exciting (and key) it is the difference between watching a game and playing a game.

Beans said...

Are you hoping to do a PhD next year?

Did you choose the topic yourself... I mean how did you go about finding a topic that would keep you interested for that long? How does one know that for example "algebra is their thing"?

Once again I apologise for the million questions, but I am in stuck on making a decision!

Steph said...

I am doing a PhD next year. I am moving to Bonn to do it. I had no idea what where my topic was going to go initially at the beginning of the year, it just sort of progressed. I simply chose my supervisor as I had worked with him on a research project over the summer. I was very lucky to work with my two supervisors and it was with them that I was able to determine a suitable direction. I suppose you know if you like abstract things if you just want to read and read about it and it generally makes you feel excited.

Beans said...

Hi Steph,

That's great news! Best of luck with it all. (I gather you have sorted all the supervisor issue and other things).

Thanks a lot for your comments; I guess I have yet to find something which makes me "that" excited. (I doubt whether I will find that area you see...) So I may have to go with the "find supervisor first" option then! (But as always, nothing I say can be taken that seriously for I am ever changing my mind).

Truth be told, I enjoy mulling over this more than revision!