Friday, April 18, 2008

Am I too busy?

That's a very good question indeed, but then a follow up to that would be "too busy for what?" I can very easily confuse myself it seems. Yesterday I had a few meetings which left me brain dead--wait, don't roll your eyes just yet!! I have evidence. Instead of asking someone to check their diary, I had said, "check your dictionary" and not realised this until it was pointed out to me.

On the list goes but I will spare you. To answer the question in terms of this blog, NO I am not too busy to blog. The reason that I blog less is that I still haven't found my previous routine. I can't find it which is very distressing. My loss of interest for the Internet and TV is good in one sense, but my loss of interest for other things is slightly worrying. I still seem to be stuck and unable to fully remove my holiday head from its place. Am I still chasing that peace and contentment here in England? I don't know to be honest, but I am very very confused at this moment in time about a great deal of things. I don't know where I'm heading in terms of my future mathematical education and many other things. My PT told me that the decision doesn't have to be made this week, but still it eats at the back of my head.

I have great many responsibilities on my head and I have put my pillow in a safe place, but then gone on to forget where that safe place is!

My routine for The Galois Group is hopefully returning, and I am hoping that the head of school will be able to do the introductions for the final lecture of the year. On that note: Next Wednesday there will be two lectures to be given by students (abstracts to follow). Please please do attend! I have lost a lot of drive and motivation as it is, you can make that all better... (hehe well if that didn't work, then I wonder what will. Long ago I have realised that free refreshments doesn't appeal to people, but the concept of having refreshments is very important).

You see yesterday I got talking to someone who wasn't too different to myself. (So I'm not alone in this world--yes! However, I have to confess that this person was normal unlike myself which is somewhat reassuring). ANYWAY (I digress, as DC and my discrete maths lecturer would say!) The point being that this person told me not to look at this year negatively, as I had been doing. Personally I feel that I have failed myself this year, and my mathematics. That is what I have forgotten about this year--the maths. That should not have been forgotten! There are many reasons as to why my year has seemed horrible and it as all my fault. I took on too many things at once. TGG and maths are enough, but then I became a PASS leader, did the SAP things which all consumed a lot of my time and efforts. Doing all this opened the door for me to neglect the maths, and become the person who I hate.

Sigh. The person said not to be sorry for what I have done, for that means it was a mistake. If TGG was a mistake, then it was one jolly good mistake! I understand where this person is coming from, for I would do everything again if I was to start over for I don't view them as mistakes. I just wish that I had been better at organising myself and not let my studying suffer. My first semester mark, although good to many people, is not what I wanted. I shouldn't compare it to the first year marks, but I can't help myself.

Anyway (whoops that's twice now!) let bygones be bygones now. I mustn't dwell on what wasn't to be, but instead on how I can utilise the three weeks I have remaining. I don't know how often I will be blogging in the coming weeks, but two major events are going to take place in the next two weeks. My heart quivers in excitement at the thought of one, and the other is quite exciting too but I need to get working on it. I do have a busy diary for the weekend though, and having had a quite demanding week I am already dreading it!

A long post is bursting to be written, but I will control myself on this occasion! A final comment has to be that I have really enjoyed the discrete maths lectures this week. They have been pretty great--the topic and everything. I really think my discrete maths lecturer is cool. (Although I am sure that once I get started on his problem sheets I might be saying something else!) Mathematically that has been the highlight of my week, and now I must sleep for my alarm clock with will wake me up at 8:30am if not before.

By the way, I got to "my destination" today in 11 minutes!! At 17:02 I had picked the phone up and informed the other person that I was eight minutes away (which was deduced using some complex formula of course...) However I was actually only just leaving the AT building as I spoke on the phone. Having walked quite a bit in my two weeks away, I think it has done me some good. This walk normally takes me 15 minutes (on a bad day) but much to my relief I got there on time. I doubt I will be able to repeat such a thing though, unless my neck is on the line of course! Good night I suppose, although I probably won't sleep straight away--the pillow has gone on walkabouts. [Fingers crossed that my posts from today onwards will not be depressing!]

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