Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Phase three has the green light.

WE, yes WE have decided to go ahead with phase three of TGG. I say WE for a good reason when in actual fact the correct word is I. The ultimate decision was always mine, but I will always say WE for when the going gets tough and I need to blame someone(!) the other person who makes the "WE" will get the blame. Nice. (Haha, the reason why the decision had to be mine was that Dr. C didn't want that blame, but hey, I need my "get out of jail for free" card).

On a serious note, I hope it doesn't come to pointing the finger at anyone, and I won't really be blaming anyone but myself (and the world). This is a very foolish decision on my part. I have made my fair share of stupid decisions and mistakes, but a part of me believes I can achieve this--the impossible. That's what it looks like on paper, as we discussed the issue today. Impossible, which frightened me for a second. However, then my flip side kicked in: "NO we can do this", I said, but who was I trying to convince? Dr. C or myself? The world or myself?

Once again I feel that this is to the detriment of my studies, but I am helpless due to using my heart to make this decision and not my head. My brain is screaming NO. The Tweenies are screaming NO. Everyone is saying NO. If they hadn't been so forceful with their NO's I wouldn't be that much more determined to do this.

Dr. C told me that I need to talk to other students to bounce ideas, but I just can't bring this matter up with the Tweenies. That negativity is not welcome by me, hence why I am going to the moon alone. There is only so much I can ask of Dr. Coleman as well, for he has enough on his plate too. Today I actually felt guilty for bugging him (for an epsilon amount of time though). My guilt I put down to weariness on my part, but he's the only person and my PT who I can bug.

It's so easy for me to not do this, but then I wouldn't be me. What is this third phase you ask? Well all will be revealed soon, although there are a few people who know of what I ramble about. Sorry if my decision gave you chest pains. I know my education should come first. It should. I guess I'm trying to reason with myself here. What are my priorities and what should they be?

GAH. Come now beans. I am trying to convince myself that I can stay on top of my studies at the same time. But that in itself is a stupid thing to say, for already I have been doing zilch. I have probably only spent 10 hours or so, studying privately. I'm also waiting for a reaction from myself i.e. trying to scare myself to get my head down.

A personal assistant would be damn nice. My website for TGG has been neglected (as was pointed out to me the other day) but that is the least of my worries. (Namely because I'm the only visitor it has!)

To organise myself then. Where do I begin? Shall I give you a brief summary of what little I have done?

Metric Spaces- Only completed problem sheet one and there are five online. Have tried to understand the notes, but got lost the other day on closure points and stopped. The coursework test for this module is after Easter though. I need to find myself a good book on metric spaces and quickly, and then catch up with the problem sheets. (Zero example classes attended).

Calculus- Done 1.5 problem sheets and three are online. I understand the second one though, but HATE partial differentiation, hence why I haven't completed it yet! Been to one example class, but overall I think I just need to get my head around the notes. The lectures have been good recently and I need to put things together.

Logic- Where do I start with this module? It is very interested, but the notation and language is still alien to me. (A majority of it anyway). But then again, ask me how much I have studied it? I have as good as been to zero example classes, and am only on problem sheet three. This is another module which I need to get a book for and fast. Make that many books!

Discrete-- Well I read my notes until Simple continued fractions, and then got bored with trying to find a bound on the Euclidean algorithm (read that as: I got confused!) Haven't done ANY of the problem sheets for this module. I'm not proud of this, but this module makes me *shudder*. I know, I can't avoid things that I don't like for then they become worse, but .... *fails to find an excuse*.

Hmm, finally its Geometry-- I think this module has to be my most favourite, namely due to Dr. K. Although I am embarrassingly not on the ball, on most occasions I still find it interesting. I have been best behaved in this module, having attended all supervisions and tried erm... some of the questions on the example sheets! I have tried to understand the material, but have come to a standstill. Hopefully though I will get into it again.

Another GAH just escaped me. I forgot about algebra! Any guesses as to why? Well I have done no work whatsoever in this module. I have also realised something sad--I won't ever be an algebraist. I'm just not cut out for it and can't think abstractly. I have a dumb one track mind, and it won't climb out of the box. Maybe it I read the notes and attempted the questions, it would help, but like Discrete maths I've been avoiding this module.

I have become the type of student who I would have hated to be. I am spending the least amount of time on my studies and neglecting them. This time I have no excuses, or do I strain myself and hunt for some?

Do I feel scared yet? Slightly, but I still need to scare myself more, so I get the much needed big kick I deserve. If you have successfully managed to read up till here, I must apologise for not checking through my post and correcting any errors. You might have realised that it makes less sense than normal, but that is due to the time constraint which I have.

I had that training thing today and a girl in my group didn't want to be there. This was all voluntary might I add, so no one was forcing her to sit there. She should have left instead of ruining the whole mood of my group, by snapping at us for discussing the matter at hand!! Madness I tell you, but I was well behaved and didn't snap back, although I felt like it. Instead I crawled into a shell and vented my frustration to those who would listen (including the person in charge) at the end. Why the heck do something if you don't want to? This is voluntary--go home if you don't want to be there, rather than sitting grumpily and ruining the atmosphere. Rant over I hope, but these sessions from 5-7pm are going to kill me.

Tomorrow I have two sessions because I rearranged one due a TGG lecture clash. I have no time to breath tomorrow due to a very full day. Once again, I would love Bernard to lend me that darn watch of his. Very selfish isn't he? (You might have gathered I am exhausted and talking nonsense (as per usual but it's more today).) I realised that it was foolish of me to any geometry today, when I forgot what the dot product was. (The dot product gives you a scalar answer, not a vector). There is always that logic coursework I could complete?

How long before I explode? If only there was another "me" at the moment, who could do TGG things for a while, whilst I hit the books. What it feels like to be misunderstood, I know. The question is, should one waste time in trying to correct that misunderstanding? Nope, I say. Why waste time doing that when you could be doing something productive.

Here's yet another quote, which I have been trying to calm myself with. This is not the first time I have posted it. With the quote I would also like to apologise for my "this weeks" behaviour in advance, for I foresee the week to be a very bad one. When I am stressed I become more chaotic and unpredictable than normal.

“I am one, but I am only one. I cannot do everything; but I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”
Edward Everett Hale.


miah said...

you won't understand logic if you get a book to "aid" you. it'll make a complicated situation even more complicated. the notation he uses (i assume george teaches it?) is different from that in books so it'll be hard to cross-reference.

getting a book will not help at all. you are better off asking for help from the post-grad who gives the example classes.

Learn all the definitions and make sure you learn how to do the beth trees. cos they will be the"easy" marks in the exam.

Beans said...

Hi Miah,
I understand what you mean! Google books had a logic book, which didn't make much sense. The problem was that I hadn't read the book from the beginning, for only one particular part was of interest to me.

Yes, the lecturer and the post grad students are very helpful, but I guess a book would have been nice...

Thanks for the heads up! It's remembering them darn rules which is a pain!

miah said...

remembering? it was understanding them in the first place which was the problem!!! I didn't understand them when he taught them. having stared at the beth tree rules for about a fortnight, had i only cottoned onto them.

i really regret taking that module and i still wouldn't be able to explain to someone what the completeness theorem or compactness theorem is!!

i think the only part of the course i managed to grapple without any hesitation were the truth tables!!

Beans said...

Hehe, well I'm going with the theory of "learning of by heart" first, and then trying to understand! (Although I can happily report that I understand the "and" one). We haven't got to compactness or completeness yet, but it's just a matter of getting through the mumbo jumbo first (or so I hope).

So which other second year options did you choose?

(Lol, truth tables are my favourite part as well!)

miah said...

i do recall in a previous post you (and jake) saying that logic was the module you were most optimistic about/looking forward to. has your opinion changed since?

Beans said...

Due to me not doing much work this semester, the only comment that springs to mind is: meh.