## Wednesday, November 07, 2007

### Will it ever stop?

Before I state 'what', I will answer the question and say NO.

"Did you have an exam today?"
"No, but I have two tomorrow, and one is really irking me at the moment. I don't understand all this \lim sup business, and I keep on getting confused."
"What exactly is this exam about?"

"Well you know what the square root of positive numbers are right? Like square root of 25 is five. Then we have gone on to ask the question what is the square root of -25, and hence welcome "i". "

"What?"
"Erm... we have just defined the root of negative numbers, and so we get this whole family of numbers called complex numbers. You can do a lot of interesting things in the complex plane too...

"SO- what exactly have you learnt in your course so far?"

"Lots of things... I know how to define a limit (I hope!), we have just started differentiation too..."

"But what exactly does that give you - what can you do with knowing that."

"Erm differentiate?"

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

After that I just replied with a monotonous yes, to any questions or statements. I have no wish whatsoever to be filthy rich. If I somehow do become a multi-millionaire (as unlikely as that seems), then that would really mean that I have someone making food for me! (Unfortunately the one thing I can't do, hence why I have a cup of tea whenever I am hungry is make food for myself.)

I know that it is rather a naive statement, for money does give you many things, but why should money define the choices that we make in life? Ah well, I guess we all have our different motivations etc. The question "What's the point in studying so much, if you want to only teach (primary or secondary school kids) when you can do any degree with less stress?" and "Did you know that such a such profession gives you this much money?" unfortunately have no answer from me, apart from I don't care.

Times like this make me wish I was "normal". Then I could do whatever I wanted without people always saying things like "WHY and WHAT do you do?" And then further called me a stupid idiot for wasting my life, musing about maths which is never going to give me a practical skill in life. I don't mind being called an idiot, for that is how complex analysis has me feeling now. I had to resort to saying "I have done mechanics and am studying PDEs etc you know!" I never knew that would have its uses.

I can't explain the buzz I get out of doing maths. I can't explain the buzz I get, at swearing at myself when I do a question in a really horrible long winded way, involving deltas, epsilons and limits only to realise that I could have just applied the quotient rule! The cursing just means that I have got the right concept which is great! I know I was stupid not to recognise this, even though I posted about it, that polynomials are continuous; but it happens (more often than not in my case). I also get a buzz out of being stubborn with my reasoning and proofs, until something is said which bursts my bubble. I am stubborn enough to do proofs the long way, since that means I have done it myself!

I also can't explain the buzz I get in the maths lectures that I sit in, like todays calculus one. I saw it all on the board. To myself I was saying, "Ahh, I see where this is going", only to be brutally destroyed by the bozos who won't shut their yaps.

Yes - I just said something which can result in people throwing bricks at me. I don't care. As you can see I am rushing through this post, for I have tons of revision to do. I am semi OK in algebra, up till subgroups. Sub groups, cyclic groups and centralizers require more work on my part. Anyway, more about the bozo's tomorrow. If people actually shut up and listened, I mean made an EFFORT to listen, then they wouldn't be complaining about the lecture not making sense. Obviously there are parts which won't make sense, but if you don't want to use the opportunity you are presented with in lectures, then get the heck out of there. Don't break my 'aha moment' bubbles! (which are rare indeed).

I am semi-annoyed, but in the conversation above, my mind had no such thoughts about teaching. They should be there but they are not. I am only thinking about one more maths year, but getting there is going to be much difficult. [I am also annoyed at something else, and all this annoyance makes for a me who lets it all out!]

If only time would stop.

Before I do shut up I must say that the Real Analysis lectures are just getting better and better. Yesterdays had me frowning more, but nevertheless it was great. If only next Tuesdays lecture would be similar! Todays I followed more, due to having done some things in complex, but I feel really involved in this lectures. That's what I like. It's a story of two people - the lecturer and us students. I really don't want them lectures to ever end, but a look at the calendar points out the inevitable. I don't think I will ever have lectures as absorbing and brilliant like them. As always a million people disagree with my saying this, but each to their own.

I will be back at 4:30 am.... having a break from revision I presume.