Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Tension and being late

I feel really tense at the moment, and my heart is clenched like a fist. Why, I don't know? I have to be somewhere at 1pm, and then rush away to get somewhere else for 2pm. I will be late obviously, but I have notified the people concerned.

Today I felt a sense of gratitude towards Bella. Another thing which I just can't explain. But I wanted it to be noted, and I am still feeling this.

I don't like being late for lectures; I just hate it. The weird thing is that for exams I try to be exactly on time, because then I know my seat is my seat. For lectures that is not the case. However, these past few days I have been at least five minutes late on more than one occasion. (Today included). I am talking about the first lecture of the day of course, and there is a solution to this; well two solutions.

(1) I go to sleep on time, so I wake up on time. Hence I get to have my breakfast and get to my lectures on time.
(2) Go to sleep at the time I have been doing so, wake up late-ish; skip breakfast and get to lectures on time.

I have been doing number 2 at the moment, but trying to squeeze in breakfast! (Hence the lateness.)

Sigh. I have an annoyed appearance today. But do talk to me, for I not fully annoyed. It is just that my internal processes are sensing a problem which isn't being communicated to my brain.

I have just gone and double booked for next Wednesday. That is what is causing my heart to tense up. It is nothing extreme, but it has put another load of stress on my head. I couldn't decline: my school got in touch with me and they want me to talk for five minutes about my experiences there, on presentation evening!!! That is indeed nerve wrecking, and I was stupid enough to say yes. (Actually Bob convinced me to say yes.)

However, I think we only ever say no if we are 100% sure of meaning it. If we say yes with some reluctance, then that means that somewhere some part of us wanted to say yes. My problem is that I can't ignore this small part, so end up saying yes. Unlike some people I know who can push the minute yes to the dungeons, I can't. I have no idea about what to say and then I have a brief idea! It is only five minutes though... but still my heart is becoming nervous already. I have a week to prepare for that and other things: if I vanish from the face of Blogistan, you will know what killed me. \hyperbole

Whoopie it's 12:52 best get a move on now.

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