Saturday, November 10, 2007

Neutral.

I confess to editing out half of my yesterdays post after getting some food. No one probably read it in the time it was posted, to the time it was edited for it was about 15 minutes. The point is though that today I tried to take into consideration about what I said.

Todays it was BB's birthday: a friend from my school. I am no good at remembering dates and BB was rightly shocked as I phoned to say happy birthday. (I didn't tell BB, but a reminder on my phone reminded me of the exact date!) BB and myself are quite similar and not so similar. In school whenever a debate was organised, there used to be fierce competition between both of us. (I think BB=Trevor, but I can't remember!) It was that friendly sort of competition for we weren't exactly friends then. In year 9 we became friends and for once were on the same side for a debate. That was a weird debate indeed, for it was then that I realised, that when BB and myself work together we actually get things done. Our train of thought is weirdly alike in many cases, and we both are stuck in an uncompromising position too. (Although BB did remark that I was a lunatic for taking on other responsibilities this year!)

Talking to BB was a great chance for me to inquire (is it enquire or with an i?) on my behaviour at school. BB found the situation I find myself in, quite amusing for at school my behaviour was expected. However, BB did say that it might look bad when I just 'vanish' into thin air. Today, I tried my hardest to sit in one place and be alive. It is just that at certain points in the day I do feel more rough than normal. Also, I know it may sound like a lame excuse, but I am seriously lacking proper sleep. I noticed it a lot today, for in most lectures I ended up having to spend ages on certain parts! (I have also had a stupid headache since morning which hasn't helped.) I think it is this lack of sleep which causes me to distant myself from 'conversation' about 'normal' things. The weird thing is that when it comes to talking about maths, and to "maths people" I am perfectly normal then. I just feel that burst of energy flow through me during such conversations and it keeps me going for sometime. Maybe I am doing what I normally do and over thinking about this. If I wasn't over thinking then I guess I would be OK...

That's enough of that actually - it's the weekend now: a time to cool down and sort myself out. Next week is not going to be any better, for I will we waking up at 4:30am on another two occasions, but I am hoping to be more prepared.

When I say sort myself out, I mean revise for Stats and PDEs. Revise like I have never revised in my life for stats, because I actually fear for my life in that subject! With PDEs my problem is that I think the first six weeks have been rather pointless. I don't understand the notation used properly, however my current conclusion is artificial. Once I have attacked my notes with the aim to fully understand them, I will comment again. Today some cool graphs were drawn on MATLAB, and I just wished that I understood what the heck they represented. I don't know which of the two modules will be my worst one! Then finally it is the most important one of the lot - real analysis. I think I may be naughty and memorise most of the proofs if worse comes to worse. (I do understand three out of four that we have to learn, so all is not lost).

I think my posts haven't been making much sense lately due to all this weird notation! We are currently having coursework tests, which contribute at most 20% of the respective modules. The aim of the game is to get as many marks as possible. Something which I haven't done in algebra! I shouldn't have reminded myself of that, for my blood has started to boil because of my own stupidity. I can't believe how dumb I can get. That probably doesn't come as a surprise to others, but somebody please put me out of my misery. (How can I forget about that darn test?!) I should have got 10/20 from the multiple choice section, but I will be getting 7/20 if I am lucky. :/

Yes, this stressed individual has a subtle but infinite stress load.

I have a question to any users of the cafe in our building. What do you think of the staff there, in particular Mr. N (fake name!) I find them pretty cool and get along with Mr. N perfectly well. I get really annoyed sometime, when people make a judgment on a person due to one experience. One bad experience doesn't mean you are going to have infinitely many bad ones!! But by thinking so, you inevitably will have infinitely many bad ones. I annoy people because I am forever changing my "opinion" of people or things. (So maybe it is not an opinion.) I only ever 'dislike' people if they give me reason to i.e. treat me in a way which I don't think they should. But this is for a finite amount of time, and you should never let your opinion of people be a reason for treating them badly. GAH. Buzz and Woody feel that Mr. N was 'rude' when they didn't have the right amount of change, and didn't "smile" etc. I feel the opposite, and so deliberately always make it a point to mention that Mr. N is cool. We have an understanding regarding my cup of tea you see...

Seriously though, try smiling at them when you ask them for a coffee - it won't kill you! I am not saying W & B didn't smile etc. but I think they are the type of people who set their opinions in stone. Ah well, that gives me more reason to be annoying by praising all the people they might not like!

In the week before this one, I attended a meeting of some sort. It was a weird experience for me, since I was the only student their! However I knew at most five other people present, which made me feel slightly calmer. In this gathering PP was present, who I have never spoken to before. More about him in a minute, but something weird happen at this gathering when a break was announced. Everyone had basically dashed for coffee and I reached for my bag (banana); but then DW asked whether I wanted some coffee?! I replied no thanks, because I only drink tea and then DW said that there was tea too. Since I hadn't had any breakfast that morning, I found myself making tea for myself in a FORBIDDEN place muhahaha. Actually it was quite a weird thing, because I felt that I shouldn't be there! I had quickly made the tea and rushed back to the room only to spill some tea on myself (but no one had been around to see this thankfully).

I had to mention this, for it is unique thing and will never happen again. It was the forbidden place you know... Afterwards, as it all sunk in, I walked away thinking "cool"! (It was a really nice cup of tea too...)

Back to PP now. I received an email from PP the other day and it made me feel pretty happy. I felt the way I do in maths conversations. He actually gave me something to aid me in another one of my mini adventures. I am eternally grateful for his helping hand, for I was becoming slightly stuck. It is not that much about the help, but about the positive feedback I received on another matter which was good. So I am just mentioning that PP is cool really!

Now for some sleep as I have really forgotten everything else that I wanted to mention. If I am well behaved, you should only here from me once on the weekend. Or maybe 1.5 times!

1 comment:

beans said...

To remind myself for the future: I made tea in the staff kitchen (on the first floor). I was slightly robotic as other members of staff walked past me, but just kept my head down! (DC and everyone else just had coffee which you get from the window on the outside, so I had been on my own inside).

When I had gone to put the milk and sugar in on the other side, Dr. H had been there talking to DW. Since it had been my intention to talk to DW as to not stick out (more than I already was), I legged it back into the room. (I saw a postgrad student sat in the common room, who knows who I am; but then again there seemed to be a million other post grad students sat too).

Prof. P gave me a project by a fourth year student some time ago (but not during that meeting of course).

The meeting had been interesting, but I felt weird when speaking on occasions.