Saturday, September 01, 2007

Lesson (\frac{1}{10^n}) as n -> infinity

I ate some humble pie today and got some egg in the face! Oh and a lot more sentences that imply the same thing. The title of the post is very vague, but the mist will soon clear. Today is one of them days in your life, that you fondly remember forever and look back and laugh at. The catch: it's not only you laughing, but everyone you know is also laughing. So then why am I increasing the set of people who know this? Good question indeed beans, and the answer is that I have reason to eat humble pie in Blogistan.

"Has it been made clear to you that you are now under our custody and can you confirm that you don't want a lawyer."
"I don't need a lawyer."
"Very well, interview starting at 22:16 on Saturday 1st September 2007. Officers present are Detective Inspector Humble Pie and Detective Inspector Eggon Yourface. Beans is also present. Taking out exhibit one. So Beans, what can you tell us about this?"

Exhibit One - a PS3 controller:

"Well...erm... as you can clearly see that is a PS3 Controller. Why the heck did you ask me when the label says so? It is used to play on the PS3 a games console."

"What kind of games?"
"All kinds that have been made. First person shooters; football games; tennis; car games ...."

"What was that?"
"What, car games? Yes, there are many car games that have been made and not just for the PS3. You have the Need for Speed series; Gran Turismo; Test Drive and lots of others."

"And how do you play these car games? Do you have a steering wheel?"
"Well not quite, but they can be purchased. You use the controller that you showed me and it's quite simple actually. When you want to accelerate you hold down the x button. If you want to apply the brakes you press the square button, or if you're just slowing down you can just stop pressing x. You can also use the right analogue stick to accelerate and brake as well."

"Hmmm, interesting. What about gear change?"
"Us mere mortals just play automatic so they change automatically (obviously!) However if you want to play manual, you just have to press either R1, R2, L1 or L2 to change gears, depending on which game it is."

"So it's just a press of the button right? What about if you have the steering wheel- how then are the gears changed?"
"They're changed in the same manner, with a steering wheel since it has buttons on it. The Steering wheel is cool though, since it has pedals as well."

"We didn't ask for your opinion Beans, just answers the questions! Would you say that a regular user of the PS3 and player of car games, would be able to drive a real car with the erm... learning experience gained upon using the PS3? Does driving in computer games, i.e. driving through lamp posts and on the pavement really help you drive a REAL car?"
"Why most definitely, good sir. I have no doubt of this and am appalled that you are suggesting otherwise."

"LIAR! And don't try to press the start button on that controller- it won't pause proceedings. Let me ask you again - can you drive a real car having only driven one on the PS3? The truth please, I don't want to have to open the controller piece by piece and then squash it with the heel of my foot."
"Please don't do that! It'll get destroyed. I'll tell you everything I know, but only if you promise not to charge me with anything and if you don't destroy anything related to the PS3!"

"... we promise. Now spit it out."
" If you drive in PS3 games, then that doesn't mean that you can drive a real car. *sniff* The two have no connection whatsoever. I lied. I'm so sorry. No one was hurt though, it was an open field and the driver volunteered the car. I was forced, I didn't want to do anything. Please, don't arrest me."

"What exactly happened."
"I can't remember properly. I was forcefully, note forcefully shoved into the drivers seat!! I even made it a point to mention to the driver that everything I own will go to my mother. A gun was put to my head... honestly!"

"Just get on with the damn thing!"
"There were no other cars nearby - it was only us. The car had already been switched on and I was told to rev the engine. After confirming the identity of the foot pedals, I did as I was told! I didn't even have my seat belt on - anything could have happened. I then put my left foot on the clutch... they don't have that in computer games, how was I to know that you were meant to push hard on it? I wasn't controlling the gears or the handbrake, and was told to gently take my foot of the clutch. I didn't. The car shuddered and froze. I didn't know what the heck had happened, and everyone was laughing."

"You'd stalled."
"How did you know that? Anyway, after everyone had stopped laughing I was told to start the car again. Now that is one thing that I can do! I started it and repeated the same steps again, but this time I think that I did gently let go of the clutch; but I accelerated as well. The car juddered and everyone froze. Then I pressed my foot down and the car zoomed forward!! Well it zoomed in a juddering way and I didn't feel in control. I heard screams to stop, but I can't remember what I did! I'm sure that I slammed the brakes on, for how else would the car have stopped? Everyone was laughing again and everything that happened felt like a blur. I just sat- frozen. However, I had got the car from A to B! I'd pressed to hard on the accelerator and then stopped abruptly, but it was something... right? (I'd also used the clutch foot to slam the brakes on - a big no no.)
I mean, surely this does prove that I can drive... please... the egg it was all over my face. I was mocked left, right and center. The driver had quickly got out of the passenger seat, and kicked me out of the drivers. But you know what - I had really wanted a second pop at things! I felt I could do it properly the second time. I mean, when you play new games, you have to adjust to the controls so that's what I was doing! The controls were dodgy, I mean 'GENTLY' get of the clutch?! However, as with computer games I will master them."

"That's enough I think. Any thing else you'd like to add?"
"Erm someone told me that I can't brake without using the clutch, so how did I get the car to stop then? It was a 2 point something litre engine you see, and very powerful. Quite like the PS3 if I may so myself! A fantastic beast, but it's unfortunate that we won't be going to that field for a very long time."

"I should hope not as well. Thank you for your time beans, we will be in touch soon...
"Wait a minute... please don't take me to that room again? Please, there's more! Through out the journey I had been educated about driving - honestly. I was informed of everything - about how you should look at the horizon and drive carefully. Of looking at the big picture, and driving without having to stop at the red lights. I'll even give you a tip but it might not make sense since I can't remember it properly. If you're at a smallish roundabout you can somehow block the cars on your right, and so drive on. (Exercise for the readers!!)..."

"I think that's enough. Interview terminated at 23:24pm. Thank you once again beans, for your answers and let this be a lesson to you. Just because you can drive on computer games, you can't drive in real life."
"Like I said inspector, I was adjusting to the controls. I'll show you and the rest of the world, that after you have adjusted to the controls it is possible to do so. Muhahahaha."

CUT

Wow that was a busy day today. Had a lot of filming to do you see, but please don't take any note of it. I mean, when have films or drama series ever been real? I haven't really had egg pasted all over my face today. Really really! You don't believe me? Meh, what does a bean have to do, to convince people?

*bangs head against wall*

That's better. First I must apologise; it has indeed been a fun packed day today, with a lot of adrenaline involved as well. The events mentioned above actually did happen. Yes, you may laugh. It was quite hilarious and watching the event play in my head, has me on all fours! I've never in my life driven a car before. Well there was this one time in the year 1999/2000 when I was in year7/8, that my dad had parked outside a shop on a steep area. I had been in the front passenger seat, and quickly transferred myself to the drivers seat when he'd gone inside. I obviously began imitating my dad, whilst my sister watched from the back. The mirrors were changed, the radio on, and the gear stick in the wrong position. I had even used the indicator and drove to the my house using the steering wheel (in my head that is).

Them things didn't do much but they made me feel like a driver. What I did next scared the life out of me! I put the hand brake down... the car was on a slope and started rolling down it! My sister became worried and shouted. I just slammed my foot on the brakes and thought, 'Heck, I'm in big trouble!' I didn't dare take my foot of the brakes, but quickly put the handbrake up again. The car was sticking out of the bay, and as I quickly jumped back to the passenger seat I hoped that my behaviour would go unnoticed. I swore my sister to secrecy and thankfully our secret remained a secret. She now complains that I tried to kill her, but I always reassure her that I had everything under control. (NOT!) That secret came tumbling out today, but it has been eightish years so the situation had diffused. Todays won't though!

I'd be lying if I said that I had been in control of the car. It had just zoomed forward. I didn't know anything about clutch control, but now I think I know a little. Well every little bit of experience counts I hope. It was actually fun. Maybe it was because of the days events, but that topped everything up nicely. I have to put my hand up and state that I'm going to be a rubbish driver, but I'll enjoy being so. (Let's be positive now, or so I was told.)

My erm.. conjecture had been that having played computer games I would be able to drive. I have unfortunately proved that to be incorrect, by example (you can stop laughing now!) But a little revision will allow me to remove at least some of the egg on my darn face. Revised conjecture: Let x be a person/bean who plays car games on computers, and has been playing for a certain time. Then if x was to drive a real car, after some adjustment to the controls, driving should be a pleasant experience.

Well we need to define some adjustments, and as soon as I'm fully 'adjusted' we'll know. :D Then we need to define pleasant, but I think we can take that to mean that x can drive. (Certain time... well enough to be a competent driver in computer games.) Any questions? (Or any tips?!)


*More of my day will be posted sometime after the camera has charged. If you didn't manage to complete the exercise I'll put a picture of the round about thing that I meant! Oh and to those who were concerned for my health... I survived. I have also finally got my provisional license, and even though I see driving as a skill, more than a convenience, I can't wait to learn. I don't mind using public transport and a certain Taxi(!), but being able to drive is like... being able to use a computer I suppose. The only thing that I should be afraid of is... driving on the roads! However, rest assured I will warn you in advance about when I intend to be doing that. You want my advice: don't leave your house during that time. Actually wait a minute- I'm meant to be bumble bee who is an awesome driver! Change of plan, you can come out now if you want. ;)

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