Friday, May 04, 2007

I feel good...

I'm pretty sure that's a line of the song- actually I'm definitely sure, but since that is all I know of it I won't comment further about it. Thankfully all I needed was MMM, and crossing the road without looking after nearly snapping at someone, and some Tweenie help to sort me out of my state of sadness.

The mechanics lecture went rather quickly today, and yes I did feel disjoint, and surprisingly things made sense! I mean not 100% sense, but I liked the example using the mss building lift which made it nicer to see. :D I'm weird like that- I have to be able to picture the problem and be able to for example, draw a picture describing the problem for it to make sense at most times. If the problem doesn't require a picture then it's ok, but most times it does and I can't draw them properly!

The first M was the mechanics lecture, the second being the Linear Algebra one. Thankfully we have another lecture with Prof S next week, since I definitely was begging for an example today! (and the later the lectures finish the better). Tiredness was how I described my disjointness to the Tweenies, and that was partially true. In my attempt to wake up at 5:30 am to do work (yes you've read that right!) I seem to be making things worse! There probably won't be a next time to try to improve my plan of revising in the mornings, since the next week will only consist of two revision lectures, a supervision and the example class. Woo hoo. That's because I'm hoping that I can revise properly in the coming week- not because it's going to be over so soon!

Weirdly enough, this morning I was pretty much focused in both of the morning lectures. I mean, I didn't zone out in Linear Algebra and I only zoned out for a few seconds in the mechanics one since the 'zone' wasn't nice this morning! I think for Linear Algebra- well the second half of the course anyway- I need to start from the beginning again. I mean I try to follow the lectures, but transformations has me slightly confused. There's a lot of 'not nice' notation involved, and if you don't get the theory before hand, life is much more difficult. I think the lecturer was quite happy that today I didn't have any questions. :D (well they can wait till Tuesday!).

After Linear Algebra, we have to head over to the Renold building on the brilliant side of campus (I'm very biased about this!). I was pretty hungry so was in a rush to get there, but on our way there Panya, Fizz and Bella wanted to stop of at the Newman building to pick up the solution sheets for some problems. I argued that they won't be there at the moment and so will meet them later if they persist! I kinda snapped at Bella (don't worry I apologised, even though she said that she never realised!) and walked across the road. In my defence the car hadn't been indicating. I mean if you're turning left it's natural to indicate, right? My disjointness soon become common knowledge. As with all things, a little joke here or there normally gets me out of a pickle but today that was failing me! Milo decided to come with me to get food whilst the others went to Newman. (Panya went home after this, and it seems that I may need a name change! My guilty conscious is such that I will later change Panya's name).

Milo knew something was wrong, but I persisted in muttering nothing and told him to continue talking. Milo's been having with some of his flat mates at the moment, so we discussed conspiracy theories as well as other things. It's so much fun discussing doing 'evil' things, when you know you won't do them. :D Evil is a matter of definition but in this case I mean not nice. As always we came to the conclusion that sinking to the level of the flatmates is ultimately the worse thing. However Milo still wanted to know what the matter was. The matter being that everything 'bad' seemed to be piling up at once, and well as always I blame stress. I mean I've told Milo about things like this previously, but I'd got it out of my system on this blog and didn't want it to be the highlight of my day! However talking about random other things, and complaining about the exams always feels good.

At this moment, guilt was upon me. I tried to ring Bella to apologise, since I wasn't sure whether or not she'd gotten upset at me snapping at her. I mean it's not fair that just because I had other things on my mind, I should snap at people. Her phone was off. I worried and thought that she wasn't going to turn up, but thankfully she did. She hadn't noticed that I'd snapped, but I guess that was just me then, since normally I don't tend to do that. Lunch was when things became nicer. Milo is great- seriously. I mean ultimately when you go to university and make new friends, its hard. It's like working in a group from scratch. You meet people and then you adjust to each other and so exist. However, as always with groups started from scratch there can be friction and you have to make slight adjustments as you get to know each other better.

I mean, I think they're getting warmer to the idea that sometimes I like doing random things and being on my own. This is another old habit, one from primary school. I'm a drifter. Here one second and there another. Anyway, like I said you have the friction and I'm proud to say that the major friction has hopefully passed. Today I felt that Panya no longer is a Panya. I mean I know him from college and the experiences which I recall and didn't enjoy with him in my class won't disappear. But what the heck he's going to be around for another two years, and hopefully the Tweenies will still be the Tweenies in the next two years. As Bella and Milo commented, having good friends makes a big difference. With friends you tend to do the things you're too chicken to do on your own sometimes, but ultimately having to share your experiences with someone is good.

Technically speaking I claim to being able to survive on my 'own', however looking back now I realise that would have been difficult. We had a good lunch, and then headed of to the sequence and series lecture. Previously I've commented that about 20 or 30 odd people turn up. Maybe that's a poor approximation, but I'd say on a whole the average amount of people who have turned up to this lecture has been 20/30. Today as I walked in to the lecture hall, I wondered whether I'd walked into the right one! You could say it was a half full house. The reason being that today the lecturer was going to discuss the exam format so everyone turned up! I wasn't surprised, but nevertheless I was amused by this.

The third M wasn't this lecture. Although I surprisingly understood what was happening (to a small degree, but let's not worry about that!) it still doesn't deserve to be one of the Ms. The third M is obviously the example class. Unfortunately due to my disjointness (I love blaming things don't I?) I may have been more of a fool than usual (that doesn't come as a surprise I hope). I won't bore you with all the proceedings, but if I hadn't gone to the example classes then I'd be really worried about sequence and series at the moment. With some maths it's all about confidence. I mean if you're confident you feel more positive and then believe you can answer the questions! I think I'm getting more confident in 'sequences' which is a relief. I've obviously yet to start series, but I knowing certain tricks and sometimes spotting what to do makes me feel much better.

I had a pretty long list of questions and some still remain unanswered (always another day for them). It seems that I've been feeling a lot guilty recently! I once again felt guilty because I seem to 'bug' Dr C a lot with all the questions from my list (hope he doesn't mind). I mean I don't intentionally mean to bug him (really really!) but what he says makes more sense than what I'm thinking! Like I said my brain didn't help proceedings today, making me say the stupidest of things at times! As 'punishment' I was asked to work out 6! ! In case you've ever wondered, (2n)! does not equal 2x (n)!. Factorials, I've learnt, are a tricky business at times and one has to be careful when simplifying them.

At the end of the example class, I was once again my normal self. The click sound in your head, does feel quite nice at times and it indirectly motivated me about sequences and series (which I always hope for)! I've realised that this morning was a result of stress over load. I have a feeling that in the holidays there's going to me of the same, but maybe then I'll be able to deal with it better. Also, maybe the post title should have been, 'I feel better' (thanks to maths amongst other things). Got a long weekend of look forward to now, and of course it's the Manchester derby this weekend! A must win game. (I'll shut up now, but if we lose then .... no we shouldn't talk about bad things!)

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