Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Is this sad?

I realise that I haven't particularly wrote a lot about Maths, but I've still got plenty of time for that! This first week has been an introductory week so to speak. I think the lecturers are gently trying to get us back into the swing of things, maybe they realise that we're not functioning properly. I really need to revise/scrap my new years resolution, since I don't believe in them anyway! I made it under a lot of stress, so I guess that's a good enough excuse to get rid off it. Why am I mentioning my resolution? Don't know to be honest, but it's best scrapped before it's broken I guess.

So what is sad? Well I'm asking whether what I am doing is sad. Not sad in the sense 'boohoo', but in the other sense which I cannot explain! I did write a few words trying to explain it, but they didn't make sense, so I hope you get the jist in the next few posts. I like computers, and always surf the internet in my spare time (when I'm not doing maths ofcourse! maybe I should spend less time here and more doing maths?).

Once upon a time, whilst surfing the net, I was browsing through the Manchester's Maths Department homepage. Here I stumbled across gooseania on the page listing current post graudate students. Gooseania is a blog by Craig Laughton who is a maths post-grad student at the University of Manchester. I was soon 'hooked' so to speak. Whenever I was on the internet (which is usually everyday) I always checked Craig's blog. I posted comments a few times (anon obviously) and life was good.

Anyway, by reading Craig's blog I really wanted to create my own blog. However, whilst posting on his blog, a few of his postgrad friends read my posts and weren't particularly amused by me being an undergrad student, and posting on a post grads blog. This put me off for a while, so I stopped posting on Craig's blog (yes I'm weird like that!) If I did post I tried to sound like someone else (anon obviously!). Through the links in Craig's blog I discovered numerous other maths blogs, and spent quite a while reading certain ones and bookmarking others. Although most of the blogs that I've read are by post grad students/lecturers they're really interesting, and it fascinates me to know what teachers actually think. Then I came across 'Mathematics Under the Microscope' by Alexandre Borovik, who is a lecturer at the University of Manchester! No, I've never met him and he doesn't know me, but if I was to meet him I'd know who he was without him knowing me!

That's the freaky thing, I've bumped into Craig in Manchester, but he's never known. The same goes for a lot of lecturers in the maths department. I've seen a few of their homepages, and sometimes when I see them in the 'mss' building I know who they are, yet they don't know who the heck I am! Ha, that's weird! Anyway, I was really fascinated by maths under the microscope, since some of its posts were based around an issue that I had been discussing with a few people. The blog has a few posts on the decline of maths education in college's and schools in the UK, and as I was struggling through my degree at that time, I'd realised that I was ill-prepared for my maths degree. His blog really got me thinking, and it's always fun when mathematicians debate amongts themselves (although some stuff goes whooosh over my head!). Anyway that was the final straw- I had to have my own blog, and here it is!

So what's the answer to the question? Does it make me sad that I read other mathematicians blogs? Does it make me sad that I'm only 18 and writing my own blog? Well if it is, I don't care! Really, this blog is a way for me to write about my university experinces and current feelings. (Maths comes unders both of them categories!) and if it's sad then so what? it's my time thats being wasted, and if doesn't bother me then why should it bother anyone else?

I have a real issue with being anonymous, don't know why but I do. However, recently I have started signing a few of my posts with '*******' (anon issue I'm afraid!) but not linking my blog. I do want people to read my blog, (or do I?) but I don't as well. I haven't told my friends about my blog yet, haven't told anyone!! I don't want the sad people who call this sad to enter my little universe :p I guess what I have a problem with is, that people will read this then know who I am in real life. Craig has his real name written and his photo, I don't have either! Once again I'm confusing myself, but I don't really know whether I want people at the university of Manchester (like my lecturers), to read this blog! I do have some extreme opinions at times and am a very impulsive person. However, if I do offend you please don't take it personally, I'm still growing up after all! My views and opinions always change and anything I write about my lecturers is not personal. Just my frustations I guess!

So you decide, is this sad?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Home truths.

Since yesterdays mini-tantrum, I have had a mini reflection session about myself. Today, as I discussed my supervision with my friends, I was told that I judge too quickly. I wasn't able to justify what I do to my friends or further discuss the matter, since the topic was changed due to New Zealend dropping yet another catch, whilst beating England. Yep, they dropped a few catches and still won!

So my friends comments got me thinking. Do I judge too quickly? Well to be perfectly honestly, I think everyone judges too quickly in the sense of our first impressions of people. Sometimes our first impressions of someone are brilliant, but may change later. And other times our initial impression of someone isn't too good, yet later on it may become good. So basically, my 'first impression' of my supervision wasn't great. Not of my supervisor. My supervisor is a nice person, however I didn't like the way they handled the supervision. But my opinion can still change!

Secondly, I commented to my friends about Dr Heil's lecture and about the fact that it's going to be difficult for me. Is that wrong? Again today, we had our first Linear Algebra lecture, and after walking out I wasn't sure what to make of it. Dr Eccles, is an ok guy in my opinion even though I've never spoken to him! But I didn't really like the structure of his lecture (he shouldn't have used the OP, nothing wrong with writing the definition again? I like nice notes and this has caused them to lose structure!). Was it wrong for me say that? I think what people fail to realise about me, is that yes maybe today I didn't like my supervision, yeah maybe today I didn't like my lecturer/lecture. But in my world tomorrow is a new thing altogether! If we were talking about stats, then I'd say that no matter which day it was I'd still bad mouth stats because of the venom inside me for it! (although as I was talking to a second year student today, she commented that stats modules were easy second year! pfft what would you rather choose, the easy option which you hate, or the hard one you love? I know which I'd take!)

What I'm trying to say is that when I form an opinion of anyone/thing, it's never permenant. Human beings change, and so does their understanding and perception of things. So why would I restrict myself to this? I was once told that everyone is racist/prejudice, but what makes us different is how we act. I could be racist yet not let my racist views affect what I do, whereas some people make it their ambition to be racist. So am I being harsh on my supervisors or lecturers?

The other thing we I realised upon my reflection was the fact that I dislike change!! I guess everyone to a certain extent doesn't like change, but I really dislike it. Why can't we have the same lecturers for every module? Or shall I say, why can't every lecturer teach in one way? Why can't we have the same supervisors? I know that all these things are not possible, and it might make the world a boring place, but as soon as you get comfortable and used to a teacher and their method they get changed!! Some changes are for the best, however, at this time I am obviously going to contest any change.

Once again I make a post that makes no sense whatsoever, but I think it's important that you form your opinions lightly. I could say that I've only known my friends for about five months, so they can't obviously know me that well, but I must admit that if I have an opinion I tend to share it. I can keep it to myself, but they're my friends so obviously it makes sense to share your experiences and what you make of them!! But I'm not sure whether they feel the same. I never let my opinions come in the way of me interacting with that person. This is where maybe I differ to my friends. If I have never spoken to you and don't like you for whatever reason, then when I do get the chance to speak to you and get to know you I will form my final opinion of you! Ok I'm annoying myself by being confusing! Enough of this opinion crap. There's nowt wrong with them, you just have to be careful that if you have bad opinions/impressions that they don't cause you to mistreat someone.

OK, moving on. (yes theres more!) Today we had the group work session for MT10000, I might have been grumbling about it before, but luckily for myself I had eaten before the session started. So food=>energy=> me going more hyper than normal! So I was in a jolly mood and slightly hyper as I went to my room. I've got to say that my groups supervisor is awesome, he's one cool fella! And my group is ok. I say ok, because we've only met once so I'm leaving it as an open statement. Maybe I was too hyperactive, but when in a group people often mis-judge me so I tend to make and effort and get some communication going!! It was ok for a bit, but then I didn't shut up!! Todays group task was to imagine that we're going to a sixth form college, and doing a presentation on 'Why do a maths degree?'. It was messed up! I speak too fast, and hence when it was my turn to speak (after messing about with the OHP) I spoke to fast, and when I tried to slow down I stuttered and forgot what I was thinking!! It was good though, had a good time and hopefully it'll be an ok semester for MT10000.

Oh yeah, I met with my personal tutor/first semester supervisor today *sniff*! yep, he was great. A really laid back guy, who could explain stuff properly to you!! Strangely, I used to come out of his supervisions thinking, wow, can't believe I didn't get that before!! Anyway, it was nice talking to him (I see him often, but he never sees me. My office is opposite his :D ) He was with another maths teacher, who I recognised but who didn't know me. We discussed the exams, and he said that we should hopefully have the results by the end of February! I'm not too particularly happy about this, since I want my results now!!! Meh, but like the other maths teacher said, they have loads of scripts too mark. (I did offer to help, but I guess they don't an extra pair of hands ;) )

Wow, it's been a long day today!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Groan^ infinity (power infinity!)

Shockingly, I am making two posts in a matter of a day!! No suprise about the title I guess! Or maybe I could have written, ' Internal Groan...' ?

I am feeling extremely irritated and little things are annoying me. I had my supervision, and I'm not suprised to say that it was UNSUCCESSFUL! For some reason, that was on the cards. Today could not have been possibly worse. I really miss my supervisors from the first semester, and my lecturers and my timetable and basically everything! Ok, maybe I can give my lecturers a chance (only had one duh!) and I'll give my other supervisor a chance since I've not had him yet, but today was an absolute mess up! I can't explain why it was so crap! It'll teach me not to get too excited about things. I was really looking forward to my supervision, well thats exageratted in a way, but I was looking forward to meeting my new supervisor. I met the supervisor, and I don't know what to make of my supervisor!!

Dr Heil, during the lecture, commented that supervisions were a waste of lecturers time and a waste of money, since time is money! *groan* He was of the belief that us students shouldn't need supervisions and should do the work ourselfs, and getting 5% for coming to the supervisions was a joke. I disagree with Dr Heil on a few of these points. I'm still getting to grips with this blog thingmy, and have yet to add links of other blogs which I visit etc. However I tend to read Alexander Borovik's blog 'Mathematics Under the Microscope' frequently, and although it is sometimes too technical for me he seems to make a few points on the decline of maths education in the UK. For some reason, I am not yet an independent mathematician (maybe it's because I'm lazy). But whereas other people can teach themselves, I fail miserably! However once I can do something then I can do it. The catch is that I need a teacher to 'help' me to do this thing. I am persistant in the sense that if I dont understand something, I don't stop trying, but to actually teach myself new concepts is not yet possible for me.

I really find these supervisions useful. I don't care if they didn't give me 5% or 10%, thats just an added bonus (puts less pressure for the exams) but I'd still want to have them. I don't know what I'm getting at here, but I'm the dodo (nope, they're not extinct, theres one writing this blog!) who likes to get on well with teachers/lecturers. I do believe that they have 'pearls of wisdom' and hence don't mind approaching them for help. Sometimes I feel thick and persevere to understand the concept before asking for help, however if I really can't understand then I ask for help. So basically I do abuse these supervisions for my benifit.

I've calmed down a bit since I started this post, and I think me calming down has led to some disjointness in my post. Or maybe I'm confused at what I want to say? I think that I want to change my supervisor, but thats not possible. I will have to either attend my friends supervisions with her, and attend my own aswell, or suffer. I have a distinct feeling that the purpose of my supervisions (i.e me getting help and learning new stuff) is not going to be fulfilled this semester. Least not for Linear Algebra. When Dr. Heil told us that next semester we were not going to have supervisions, I was a bit 'upset' so to speak. Example classes are just not the same as supervisions! Supervisions remind me of my college maths class. Only 8 of us, we hand in work get it back with feedback, discuss problems in the class and talk about new concepts. Neat. However example classes have too many people in them, and you don't feel that you can ask someone for help and you don't get feedback.

I love listening to mathematicians (like my supervisors) ramble on about maths and their experinces of maths in general. It's interesting and they also teach you neat tricks which you'll never forget for the rest of your life. I don't think I can effectively communicate with my new supervisor. Actually I can imagine myself, like today, sitting in the supervison very peeved off. The supervisor will never know this obviously, but the internal groans will be having a time of their life. Honestly, I just can't see myself looking forward to my supervisions like my first semester ones. To actually benifit and learn anything, one must be enthusiastic about it. For instance, during my first semester I'll probably fail stats because I dreaded my stats lectures. I associated this feeling of dread and hate with everthing to do with stats, thus suffered. I think the same thing is going to happen with my supervision. I can't help but feel this way, and I know that my feelings will not change. (well they might do, but I seriously doubt it from past experiences!) I might be making a big issue over such a trivial thing, but it's important to me for some strange reason. Anyway if plan B (going to my friends supervision/ the lecturers supervison) doesnt work then be prepared for a lot of moaning and groaning.

I realise that this has turned into a long post, so I'll comment on the decline of maths education in the UK some other day. I need some sleep now.


Ok, so my first day back isn't quite over yet, still got a supervision left with a supervisor who I know nothing about!! I feel like such a kid, talking about my first day back like it's such a big deal! But guess what- it is a big deal, it's the most massivist deal in the whole wide world even though no such word may exist!!

Yes, I may be sounding grumpy but going to sleep at 3am has not helped today! And this blinking keyboard is being a pain! I keep on having to go back and edit what I've typed. Anyhow, in my previous post I commented on how I was looking forward to today's lecture and getting back into the swing of things. I have actaully enjoyed being back, but sometimes when you don't see certain people for 6 weeks, you get used to not seeing them. I'm not saying a person in general, but people as a whole. I was really glad to see my friends, but that was it. I was groaning internally for some reason, as I entered the lecture hall and saw the familiar faces! I don't even know these people, I was thinking to myself, but yet I'm groaning! Weird. I don't know, it's just that some people give the distinct impression of not liking you, for pete's sake what's wrong with smiling at someone smiling at you? Or being polite? Maybe it's because I'm so different to the majority of them.... bleh. I just wasn't particularly happy at seeing them in general, but you know tomorrow might be a different day!

Actually tomorrow is going to be a crap day before its even started. We have a module called Mathematical workshop, and I think its a good module. No exams, coursework and you meet some interesting concepts in maths. However, it has an element of group work to it! ............. *huge silence* Yes, I don't like group work! Not for the obvious reasons, might I add. I'm a team player etc etc etc but the thing about this group work is that we have maths problems which we must solve in groups!!! Me being thick at maths doesn't go down to well you see, and the crap thing is that my group has got changed for this semester and so has my supervisor!! Our group had finally 'gelled' together, they all knew that I was the thick one who made lame jokes to disguise my unique ability not to answer the questions! Ha, ah well, I've got a feeling I'm not going to be getting on with my group, even before we've met! I'm kind of sick of doing the whole nice to meet you routine when the other person obviously hates your guts. I'm not very good at mental maths, and the same for any maths. If you give me about a day etc, then maybe I will have some sort of clue on whats happening, but come on what can you expect of a thicko like me.

This post has turned into a lot of ranting and raving, so why stop now? Back to today's lecture. Dr Heil did not dissapoint, he's a funny guy and cracked me up however his teaching doesn't correspond to my learning method! *internal groan again* however, since I like the guy I'm not going to complain but try to work harder! He does speak fast at times, and to all the jerks that would not shut up - SHUT UP! It was hard to keep up without you muttering about, like he said if you want to talk go to the bleeding pub! So yes, he's a cool guy but I'm a 'structured notes' type of person, and he seems more like a free flow type of lecturer! I guess it's difficult for lecturers to meet every students needs, but I'm a relieved that he isn't teaching stats!! Since he's doing pure mathsy type stuff ( with a little mechanics thrown in!) I am slightly familar with it, so hopefully it'll be ok. And 2-hr lectures really are a bummer. Full stop.

Supervison time. *another groan* wow, lots of groans today. Tomorrow is going to be much worse!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

No rest for the wicked.

I'm not sure how I feel about the second semester starting tomorrow, however I know that I wouldn't mind another week before it started!!

Dr Eccles email containted an example sheet for the calculus course as well, which is going to be taught by Dr Heil (the first half of the course anyway!). For some strange reason, after checking his home page out, I've got a feeling I'm going to like this guy! Especially if he's serious about changing our grades! (Yes, I know he isn't serious about the grade change, but he seems like a funny guy, and I like funny people since you don't often meet them!) Anyhow, I was previosuly complaing about not wanting to start the next semester, but I'm kind of looking forward to it now. I know my brain would probably like a little while longer to empty itself of everything I've learnt, but to be honest I was always secretly looking forward to lectures starting again.

So tomorrow at 11am, will be my first lecture by Dr Heil, hope he doesn't disspoint (unlikely as that is!). I have looked at his problem sheet, and the first one which was basically a revsion type of sheet was ok. So I guess I'm yet to break my New Year's Resolution, although thinking about it, it's not even been a day into the semester! It's a two hour lecture, which might be a bit tough, but I'll make sure that I have some apples and bananas with me. I want to write more, but don't know what! Maybe thats a good time to stop writing! (I've forgotten what I was going to write!) Ok fine, I'll stop now and go off in a strop until I remember what it was that I've forgotten!

The Aftermath

So it has happened. It is done. No more stats, for at least 6 months that is. But lets not ruin this moment of sheer delight by talking about Stats! My exams are over! Never in my life have I felt lighter than the clouds. Never. Honestly. The stress that I've been under the last six weeks has been ginormous! I must confess that I am a stress head, so the stress that I was experiencing wsa probably ten times that of a normal person. I've been in a funny mood all day since the exam. Which, if you're wanting to know about, was a total mess up.

I opened the paper, and read the first question and it was on the inclusive-exclusive thing about sets. Relatively simple, so after having a quick flick through the rest of the paper I started the question. However after a few minutes I could progress no further. I was stumped. Since the numbers, sets and functions exam I'd decided to move on if I was stuck, so I decided to forget about Q1 and move onto 2. I can't really remember that, but I think it was about random variables, and I managed to dig it out and that made me feel slightly better. So on I moved to question 3. This killed me, no really it did! I was once again stuck and since it was a section A question and thus compulsory I had no choice but to answer it. I played around with it for quite a while, forgetting about my previous plan ( it was worth quite a few marks!!) and didn't get far. Eventually I gave up and carried on with the paper. Don't worry I'm not going to perform the post-mortem on the whole paper, but you know what they say, 'better out than in'. Or is that what Shrek says about burps?

Anyhow the two questions that I chose from section B were ok, but I missed a few of the small parts out which I couldnt do. Towards the end I kind of saw what I had to for question one, but by then it was too late. Pens down was announced, and I'd already decided that I was NOT going to look at question 3 again, so I grudgingly put my pen down and breathed without stress for the first time in a while.I hate not answering questions in exams, and always try to get some mumbo jumbo down, but the circumstance were such that I couldnt even think of what crap to write down!

Another thing that had worried me throughtout the exam, and to some extent distracted me was people walking out before the two hours finished!! What is wrong with these people? Can't they just sit and doodle or day dream for the remaining time? Why are they allowed out? It's so bloody annoying, I didn't even complete the damn paper and people were walking out after an hour!! Anyway, as I'm evaluating my exam I'm not feeling the anxiety that I did with my MT10101 and calculus exam. It's not because I'm confident of passing it, but rather I'm slightly hopeful of having got 40%, and it was the last exam so I'm excited and relieved about that!

I've continously mentioned the excitement I felt after the exam, however it was shortlived. At about 7pm at home, whilst checking my emails on a Friday evening I recieved one from Dr. Peter Eccles (my lectuer for next semester) with a problem sheet for two modules next semeseter and a file with the lecture slides for the coming week! Yes that popped my bubble, but I was too tired (been awake since 3am) to be angry etc, but I let him know about it! It's a shame that the next semester is going to start on Monday, but life is such. I really need a holiday and can for the first time in a while say that ' I DID NOTHING TODAY'(saturday). I watched two movies, surfed the net, read a book, played some footy but I did NOT sit at my desk and study. Wow!! So maybe the weekend is the holiday that I needed?

PS: Confidence intervals came in the flipping exam, and I had no choice but to do the question!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Judgement Day!

Well it's not quite judgement day, because I don't exactly feel terrified. However I should be! I return to my blog on the morning of my stats exam (maybe I could've have waited another couple of hours?)! It's 5am and I've been up since 3am doing the problem sheets and questions! Why am I not feeling scare, like previously? Well it's my last exam of course and I am being silly and thinking of the relief that is to come when I put my pen down at 11:45am, hence I'm not as scared as I should be. Obviously it's going to be an enitrely different matter once I fail.

I've revised, well kind of, but I'm a little confused with the hypothesis testing business. I'm not sure whether we're going to be given the tables in the exam, but one would assume that we are since it's stats!! My confusion arises from 't-tables'! This is an alien concept to me, so I've decided to not do the question using t-tables (if one appears). This might seem silly, since if the question ask for confidence intervals then I'll have to use the t-tables, but ultimately I'm going to use the standard error test. It's just that I've been using my college file to revise (S2) and that made more sense that my university one. It was more structured. Well I suppose theres no sense in complaining now.

20% of this course is coursework. If I've got 15% from the coursework, then I need a further 25% from the exam to pass. ( I think it works like this anyway!) So if I get 25% from 120 (thats how many marks the paper is out of! scary) then I should be ok! However, something tells me that its not going to work that way. Ah, well at least I tried.

Now back to more stats, I just hope and pray that I have done enough to pass. Once upon a time I used to hate getting less than 80% ( less than an A), but now I've made special arrangements for stats! (I still want to get good marks, don't get me wrong, but on this one instance I don't really care how I pass, as long as I do!)

Wish me luck!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

New years resolution!

Yes, I know it's a bit late for making a new years resolution, and I'm going against my beliefs, however it has to be done!! I'm only going to make one though, which is that no matter which module I'm studying next semester (Linear Algebra, Calculus and Appliations, Sequences and Series and Maths Workshop) I will pay attention to all of them and make sure I am up to date with everything and my folder is ordered!

This may seem a bit random and spontaneous, but in regards to my previous post I have failed to fulfill a single of my to do list!! I am angry as well as upset, since I just can't rid myself of the burning anger I feel towards Statistics!! It's unreal, but I can't explain why I hate it so much. If I revise, I can pass (even if thats just barely!) but I'm not revising hence I'm going to fail.

My stats folder is an absolute mess. Yes, it's my fault but the whole course is just sooooooo unstructured!! For example, in calculus, we started with one variable calculus and then moved to two variables etc. But in stats it just seems rather disjoint. Maybe I'm looking for excuses to make myself feel better but they're not working. I've wasted three bloody days, and it looks like its going to be more. However, on a positive note I will hopefully be meeting a friend on Monday to sort my file out.

Heres what I have done so far: Combinations (nCr) and that is all. Not much is it, and to think that I've got an exam next Friday! Since I'm a mental idiot who suffers from panic attacks, you'd think I'd take this seriously! Grrrr! Yes, I'm very angry. Why the heck do we have to do stats! I'd rather sit the Numbers, sets and functions exam again!! (ok maybe not!)

Since my previous to do list didn't work, I'm thinking of not making another one but I will. I think since Wednesday, my stress levels decreased significantly and my brain has gone into the 'no exams left' mode. I've gone back to going to sleep at 3am, waking late, and then doing nothing for the whole day!! This has to stop. I guess I can blame this blog to a certain degree, or more so myself control! I'm like a kid with a new toy for some reason! (the toy being this blog) yes, I'm still a kid (6 years old and still growing!!) but I really need to behave. So heres my new to do list:

  1. Not visit my own blog and post on it till after the exams (unless its an emergency!)
  2. Do questions on combinations and permutations today, and see if I can start probability.
  3. Go to bed before midnight!

Going to keep it to three things again. But not sure about number one. Might come on here everyday just to post a new to do list! I want to write more, so then I can avoid doing number 2, but not going to happen matey!

I'll be back.

Friday, January 19, 2007

A paradox

It seems that I'm making a habit of staying up at this time!! Although I have no excuse for it today like yesterday! This habit has got to stop and will stop- I can't afford to go sleep late since that means waking up late. Which means that I'll get no stats revision done again! Today was my day off. My day to de-stress and relax. Which is very rare, since during the past 5 weeks I have been an extremely stressed individual! If only I'd taken Dr Coleman's advice seriously when he said, 'Don't study too hard'! Ha, well I think my greatest downfall has been worrying about not studying, hence causing me to panic and do very little.

Although I have about six days to revise for stats, its seems unlikely that I'll get that much revision done! My intense dislike for stats is preventing me from progressing further. I really didn't learn much through the lectures, and now must suffer the consequences. I really don't want to fail stats, because I want it out of my life- FOREVER!!! I can't afford to hate the damn thing. But worry not, because I'm going to be positive. Well try to anyway! My to do list:

  • organise stats file (ouch)
  • make a list of topics for revision
  • start revision

See I kept that list nice and short! Whether I'm going to adhere to it, is another question. Anyway you're probably wondering, what has this got to with a paradox as the post title suggests! The answer is nothing, but read on and you shall see!

In my first post I mentioned that I was lying. If this assertion is true, then I am indeed lying, which means that what I said was false. On the other hand if the assertion is false, then I must not be lying, so what I say is true. Either way the assertion is contradictory!

This is an ancient Greek paradox of the liar, which I read in a book and found highly interesting!! Understanding it is a different matter, but this is going to be annoying my family members for the days to follow! *evil laugh*

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Real Introduction!

I just re-read my previous post, and I must agree it does me justice! (in terms of me being mad, that is!). Anyhow, I realised that introduction of my blog was in the last paragraph, so no one probably read it!

Therefore I will start fresh now and introduce my blog.

So the purpose of this blog is for me to download whatevers on my mind, mathematics or not, onto here. Don't know whether thats the brightest of ideas I've had in my life, but I'm guessing that I'll probably enjoy reading my blog in a few years so what the heck! I'm not much of a writer, as you may have already noticed my English is pretty poor. However the only think I care about at the moment, is how poor my maths is, but please feel free to comment on any errors, in a nice way of course!

So thats my short intro, but its not too the point I'm afraid, so heres why I'm blogging about maths. I find maths intrigues me and weird things, liking proving that there are infinitely many prime numbers, makes me happy! Yet I haven't seemed to find anyone else, who shares my love for maths. I have tried, but failed miserably and hence got the nickname 'freak' by family members. For instance, maths joke are hilarious. I won't hear a word against them! They make me laugh all the time, so as you see I love maths and want to improve my mathematics. I do tend to eat, sleep, talk, drink, eat... etc etc maths, which is not appreciated by normal people! Hence my blog allows me to escape the infidels and ramble about maths to myself I guess. I can't explain why I love maths, even though it stresses me out at times and I'm not a particularly great mathematician. I just love being called one!! You might think, that how could I have not met anyone like this since I'm doing a maths degree, hence hanging around with mathematicians. However, I'm afraid that I'm viewed as 'sad' by them people.

Not being to understand and do something in maths is frustating however it drives me to understand it. However, I've concluded that there are things that I will never get, induction for once!

Anyway, we'll leave the maths jargon for another post. If you do read this blog, hi, don't be scared! I'm really harmless, just need to be institutionilized! So I begin my blogging journey, without any idea of what I want to accomplish with it. What fun! But alas now I must hasten to my study, for I have a stats exam next Friday. Stats is the only maths (if you call it maths grrr) that I hate. It's nasty and evil and deserves to be sent to the pits. I haven't really paid attention to my lectures and only attended two example classes. Do I deserve to fail? (Rhetorical question btw!) I hope to God that I don't fail, I don't want to resit, this crappy module!! For the sake of passing, or attempting any revision, I will now cast my hate into the basement for a week! Hope it doesn't get too lonely down there!

The start..

I spent a while trying to make this a 'cool' first post, however I've miserably failed. The time is such (02:26) that it is now beyond me to write anything remotely interesting.

However, I have to contradict myself there! Today I sat a three hour long 'Calculus and Vectors' exam and survived!! Something to tell the grand children eh? *sighs* ok maybe not, but it was three long hours.

Well since I'm awake and sleep doesn't seem to be normal thing for me, I may aswell expand on my day yesterday. Yes, I'm afraid I've lied twice already! I sat my exam yesterday, but alas it feels like one long day that has yet to end! It should have ended, however it is my fault that I am still awake like a busy bee. (or is it?) So yesterday at precisely this time I woke up to do some last minute revision/past papers/recap stuff. Thats not my normal idea for breakfast and I must admit it was a bit early, but I can't seem to pull of an all-nighter, hence I've invented my own all-dayer. It's a shame that the day hasn't ended yet!

So I woke up at 2:30ish, but finally got myself orgainsed and revising by 4am, after eating a banana of course. You see I'm not currently sleeping on my bed, rather the floor in my bedroom. Exams- they have this effect on me! So as I was slowly making progress through my booklets, I starting PANICKING!!!! Yes, thats sounds scary doesn't it. Well it feels much worse! You see during the time interval 0.5≤ w≤2.5 where w represents the week of the christmas holiday, I revised calculus from the big book!! Correction: I tried to revise calculus from my big book. Anyway, there was some topics that I hadn't covered or maybe promised myself to cover them but forget, hence the PANIC!

If you're still reading this, (which I know you probably aren't, but still hope you are) you may have deduced my weirdness/abnormality. (Please note: the use of big words is rare in my vocabularly, unless they're related to maths, so please show some appreciation to them if they are used incorrectly!) I was going to create a loophole for my 'personality' and not mention it, but I guess theres not much point in that, since it'll all come out in the open one day or another. Well you see.... I LOVE MATHS. Now if you're an English teacher, you may pose the question, 'if the speaker of the blog claims to love maths, then why have they used a smaller font? surely that suggests they can't loveit as much as they claim too?'. My reply: 'It was for effect, and its special to me so I want to keep it that way, hidden in my heart and mind (unless I make a cool discovery of course- one can live in hope!) However this blog may or may not enhance that love, but I hope it does.' English teachers eh, they can make something out of nothing.

So where to move onto next... well revision was pretty dull that morning. I panicked some more when I couldnt do some questions on double integration etc etc. However I must say the exam took me by some suprise! I hate speculating on how I did afterwards but I really want to know how I've done. The questions that I didn't manage to answer correctly, will surely face my wrath, but perhaps on another day! Anyhow, shockingly there weren't any misprints in the exam paper!! If you don't already know, the exam I took on Monday (MT10101) had a mistake in a question. So there I was, for 20minutes, trying to factorise an equation into irreducibles, and the darn question was wrong. During my revision this used to take me 5 mins max to do, so once again I PANICKED and ended up messsing other parts of the exam. I wasted 20 bloody minutes on that question, and as a result didn't manage to check my work, thus didn't do the bits I'd left out for the end! ( If you're wondering how I know the question was wrong, it was announced in the last hour of the 3 hour exam!)

I guess this is a good time to sign off my first post here, and well give you a small intro on what my blog is about. Its about mathematics, and my struggles with it. Although I love the subject, and perhaps hate it at times, I'm not very accomplised in it. I aspire to be one day, but thats probably going to happen... NEVER!!! aaahhhh, so if you know any tips to help someone who is interested in maths, then please do help me. The feeling of being thick in mathematics, compared to 250 odd people, can be overwhelming at times however I'm aiming to reduce the margin!

So I'll probably be writing a lot of 'mathematical bull' as one of my scouse friends puts it, but please bare with me. For this is in itself a learning curb for me and I hope it helps me, in some form or other.